Tuesday, April 29, 2014

God's view of lawns.......

This is not mine. I used to share this every year on the air when Spring would roll around...

With all the yard work we've been doing, I thought this would be rather timely....

      Imagine the conversation The Creator might have had with St. Francis on the subject of lawns:

      God: Hey St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on

      down there? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I

      had a perfect "no maintenance" garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand

      drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long lasting blossoms attracts

      butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colors by

      now. But all I see are these green rectangles.

      St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your

      flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

      God: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees,

      only grubs and sod worms. It's temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really

      want all that grass growing there?

      St. Francis: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. The

      begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn.

      God: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must

      make the Suburbanites happy.

      St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it... sometimes twice a


      God: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay?

      St. Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

      God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

      St. Francis: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

      God: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so when it does grow, they cut it off and

      pay to throw it away?

      St. Francis: Yes, Sir.

      God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and

      turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work.

      St. Francis: You are not going to believe this Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they

      drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get

      rid of it.

      God: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius,

      if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the

      summer. In the autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the

      soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost to enhance the

      soil. It's a natural circle of life.

      St. Francis: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as

      the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away.

      God: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter and to keep the soil moist and loose?

      St. Francis: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call

      mulch. The haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves.

      God: And where do they get this mulch?

      St. Francis: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch.

      God: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. Sister Catherine, you're in charge of the

      arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight?

      Sister Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a real stupid movie about.....

      God: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis.

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